‘catch 2012’ or ‘bitches be crazy (and so am i)’

     in an on going to attempt to determine exactly what is wrong with me ive decided to focus on one particularly disturbing psychological node. this would be my persistent attraction to women who exhibit one personality trait almost definitively: disdain. this demeanour is not to be confused with that malt shop conceit of ‘playing hard to get’. in that scenario betty merely fawns disinterest in an attempt to maintain chucks attention. the attraction examined here is not rooted in some sort faux derision of yours truly, but rather in an encompassing antipathy for the world at large. why is this a quality any rational person would seek in another human? let alone someone on whom your future sexual estimation will hinge.

@jennifermaguire


      now, i wouldn’t say that im attracted to bitches, not exclusively at least. though once and awhile one slips through detection. that wouldnt be the mot juste for the type of girl im describing. bitches are chiefly defined by their belief that self-interest is the only principal by which they should govern their lives. their acts of cruelty and manipulation are always rationalised by some permutation of the dog-eat-dog life philosophy. its very rare that you hear someone exclaim at a snow-suit drive, ‘now that is one compassionate bitch’. in my experience community center humour is sincere and heavily pun dependent. the character trait that i seem to find myself attracted to would be better defined as a healthy emotional solipsism. i’ll save you the google, it basically means that im attracted to girls who have a healthy suspicion of everything except there own worth.

      this i can relate to. most likely because of my own personal disconnect caused by a childhood filled with assurances of potential and reinforcements of self-esteem only to be followed by a decade of waiting in vain for the talent patrol to recognise my inner worth and assign me a cultural station befitting it. needless to say ive stopped waiting for the call. though when i encounter a young lady suspicious of a world that fails to recognise her intrinsic worth so often assured her by her father during rides home from gymnastics, i cant help but sense a kindred spirit. especially if im still in my leotards.

      now this disdain does foster a certain degree of narcissism. but does that necessarily have to be a bad thing? without an unflinching belief in oneself how is one to mount a defence against the litany of social pressures encountered in daily life? this again is how the disdainful girl differs from the bitch. for the bitch social conformity is her chief weapon. the bitch exploits the social norms and mores of the particular culture she is in when they serve her purposes and ignores them when they do not. the disdainful girl, on the other hand, is suspect of the constructs themselves or at least recognises them as such. oddly enough, this derision of norms has become a codified process itself, giving us the sincere concern for ironic detachment typified by the hipster motif. but thats a whole enough kettle of fish.

im just going to throw it back, or whatever

      still, you may ask, why the attraction to a girl whose disposition could be described as negative? how are you ever supposed to please a girl like that? to that i would have to answer that i would not describe them as negative, but rather as having a disdain for the pleasant. pleasant just doesnt cut it, its full on or not at all. the pleasure sought after better be orgiastic or its just not worth the cab fare. it is only direct visceral experience that floats these ladies boats; game night and reasonable priced merlot doesnt even get you off the pier. this is the challenge this type of girl presents. what is the fun in pleasing a girl who thinks everything is peachy keen all the time or conversely one who requires a high level of maintenance just to keep maintain an even keel? these are the girls for whom comfort is paramount, never to be mortgaged for a few moments bliss.

     i would like to believe that my attraction to disdain must have its roots in respect. in a culture that seems at times enamoured with mediocrity, disdain seems to be the only sane disposition to have. the only vantage point to asses that which has true merit and that which is, more often than not, simply fluff. i believe that the mediocre should be met with contempt and the sublime with revere. unless, the guy is, like, right there. thats just dickish.

when i sense this pragmatism in the opposite sex, my heart goes all aflutter. the disdainful girl is by nature sceptical of everyone and everything. where this runs into problems is that this scepticism includes potential paramours. strictly being attracted to women who are suspicious not only of you of the very idea of a functional relationship is a paradox that confounds me only a daily basis.

      as i write this i realise that perhaps this theory might not be the best of cornerstones to build a relationship on. i have romanticised disdain as some noble personality trait essential to navigating modern life. that anyone who is capable of disdain is ipso facto cable of reverence. in fact, disdain can often be a shield we hide behind to save ourselves from engaging with others in a honest way. im reminded of a conversation a had with a friend who seemed to be breaking up with and getting back together with the same girl on a weekly. i asked him what kept him coming back to which he simply replied ‘we hate the same things’.

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